That Time I Had My Hair Lit on Fire — And Other Stories from a Life Well-Lived

What follows comes from my “Memories” list, which is exactly what you might think it is. Creative title, I know. That being said, I highly recommend that you keep something like this for yourself.

I’m sure that plenty of incredible, hilarious, tragic, and meaningful things happen to you during your one and only life, and you cannot trust your memory. You will forget all the fun you’ve had, and that would be a waste.

Writing about yourself can be lame and self-indulgent in all sorts of ways, but I promise to avoid all that. These are short, what-I-think-are-entertaining stories from my life that I think you might enjoy, and that I just had to write about.

I hope you enjoy reading about my life as much as I enjoyed living it!

So I’m staying late at the bar (after close) where I’m one of the bouncers — the best looking bouncer, and probably the third toughest -

Wait. Stop. Before we go on.

I just got called away from my writing desk. Actually, it’s not technically my desk — I work overnight security at a hospital. I’m using…someone’s desk. It’s nighttime and I have the keys to the entire building. Anyway, I just got called up to escort someone outside.